Sunday, 15 April 2007

The 2007-08 Mismanagement Committee


The Grand Master – phallic head of Burnie Hash; sage advisor to the Joint Masters or the dagger behind their backs. The titular head with a decent set of tits, we present your new Grand Master – Speed Hump!


Power corrupts, absolute power corrupts absolutely, and Joint Masters are inherently absolutely corrupted. The Joint Master-ship is a team, but not all JMs have known which team they were meant to be playing for. The destiny of Burnie Hash is now in the hands of your new Joint Masters – Lone Arranger and Phay Ray!


Burnie Hash has been able to maintain an important record of its history, or at least a version of it, since the very first run back in 1978. The sacred duty of documenting the facts and making up new ones is a large task, too large for just one person. This year we have appointed two tried and trusted typists of truth, ladies and gentlemen we now give to you your new On Sex, Ratchet and Dini!


Paragon of financial integrity and master of creative accounting; each successive Hash Cash has kept the club barely afloat while amazingly funding their own overseas trips. A head for facts and figures, and a new car to fund, we present your new Hash Cash - Dick Tracey!


Without doubt, the Hash Hops is THE most important position in Hash; you can see the beads of sweat appear when the Hops is late to arrive, let alone the wailing and gnashing of teeth when you get up on a Sunday morning in a dry Waratah to find the Hops' car gone. This year’s Hops is a reformed alcoholic and a career inebriate. Ladies and gentlemen we present your new Hash Hops – Urang!


Hash circle is an integral component of our weekly Hash outing and the Hash Lip is the ringmaster. An orator on par with Winston Churchill, Robert Menzies and Jeff Fenech, this year’s Hash Lip makes Paul Keating look like Marcel Maceau. Ladies and gentlemen we present your new Hash Lip – Ringo!


A shepherd, a guiding light, a master hare - Trailmasters do more than put names to dates, they are professors of Trail-ology. Ladies and gentlemen we give to you your new Trailmaster – Grizzly!


The Hash Flash needs to be Johnny-on-the-spot, with a keen eye for detail and a steady hand. This year’s Hash Flash must know a lot about photographs because she keeps asking for them. Ladies and gentlemen we present your new Hash Flash - GonZo.


Who could sell ice to Eskimos, coal to Newcastle and sequined hot pants to Penguin homophobes? That would be the Hash Hawker, and who better to put in charge of shopping than a woman. Ladies and gentlemen, we present to you your new Hash Hawker – Knickers!


Musical adept, tonally astute and instrumentally gifted; these terms have never been associated with the Hash Horn. Until now. This year’s Hash Horn could make a fart sound like Mozart’s fifth movement. Ladies and gentlemen we give to you your new Hash Horn – Urang!


The spiritual leader of Hash, this position requires someone with high moral fibre well versed in Hash lore, and with connections in the highest of places. This year’s Hash monk couldn’t make it rain to save the English cricket team so we expect the same for Burnie Hash. Ladies and gentlemen, we present your new Hash Monk - A Bit Of This!

No comments: