Having reviewed the photographic evidence from Saturday's border skirmish at Ross and having impeached 'impartial' judge A Bit of This, leader of the Cascade Colonials Grizzly van der Kuunt has declared a walkover victory to the South over the North. Evidence clearly shows northern grunt Puss In Boots did not skol her beer as anchor in the boat race but instead used it as a facial. This was compounded in the Iron Man contest when that cheating bastard Urang finished with more food in his beard than was actually consumed.
Cmdr Kuunt was glowing in his praise of his troops, "We had a lot of defections, leaving us with only a small band of hardy, well-trained troops, but right was on our side and the border territory of Ross will fly the Cascade flag forevermore."
"I was extremely disappointed in the bias shown by the representative from the so-called independent nation of Guinness, who showed her true colours in the ladies tug-o-war, albeit as part of a beaten side."
Lord Ringo Kitchendrawer could not be contacted for comment.